I am sickened by a certain blogger (who shall remain nameless even though I want to hunt him down and slowly, publicly castrate him) who refuses to tell his wife about his struggles. It is one thing to struggle, and to not want to look at it- to not want to drag your beloved down into your sadness, and possibly lose everything. That is humongous and awful, and I hurt for the countless who are enduring it every day. I am one of them.
HOWEVER, I have no patience for this “man” who engages in fantasies- publicly airing his erotic desires for others to find their own personal pleasure. All of the “what if’s” and “I wonders” that he pollutes his blog with.
I understand that these blogs are all about having a safe place to air our hurts and frustrations- but I see the MOHO blog experience as a place to find healing, not an audience for your own voyeuristic pleasure.
He has made it quite clear that he has no interest in discussing the merits of letting his wife into his world. He claims it is because he doesn’t want to hurt her- that he wants to “get a handle” on his feelings before he involves her. But I believe that he also doesn’t want to give it up. If he lets her in then he would either have to a) admit that he needs to find healing and a way to change enough to keep their marriage honest, or b) leave. Who wants that?
Obviously I didn’t stop reading his blog after the first (several) offensive things I read. Part of me was looking for hope in something he may have written. The other part of me, I admit, found it morbidly exciting. Let’s just leave it at that.
I’m at a point in my life where I am trying not to judge others. I’m not doing a very good job, obviously.
But if you by chance are a man who is living a double life behind your wife’s back, I strongly encourage you to admit that you aren’t fooling anybody. She most likely knows something is seriously wrong, and most likely, like most women, is blaming herself. This will end in disaster. Unless you come to her with a willing and open heart, you WILL lose the very thing you are trying to preserve with your secrets. The thing that will hurt her the most is the secrecy, not the actions.
Is that clear enough?