An update? Why?

Kendall at Far Between asked us to write an update as a follow-up to the video we filmed a few years ago.  Normally I’m super thrilled to talk about myself, especially when I have such wonderful things to report.  But I’m stuck on this one.  The Far Between audience is a tough one- one that doesn’t necessarily like the rank-and-file, True Believing Mormon types, which is exactly where we have landed.  Mikeal is all about standing up, bearing testimony and leaving no one blameless (which in and of itself feels like a complete, bona fide, Moses-esque miracle) but I’m much more hesitant to anger the masses and draw contempt from a crowd that once shielded and comforted me when I was questioning.  

I like to be liked. 

I crave acceptance.

This morning as I was doing laundry, I realized how at peace I felt. And was astounded. You see, Mikeal is on a trip, the second week of a three week tour, and I am experiencing peace that I had given up on experiencing. For several years, I dealt with PTSD-like symptoms when he traveled because of the baggage that would come home with him. Not anymore. Instead of accepting his less than savory habits as a necessary accoutrement of being a homo in a hetero marriage, he is growing past them. He has accepted the atonement, and is using it to heal and become truly whole.  Not just whole-enough, or as-whole-as-I-can-expect-to-be, but ONE body, mind and spirit.  And you know what happens when the husband becomes WHOLE? The WIFE heals and the MARRIAGE heals and the whole man/woman/one-thing actually happens. 

It’s for real, folks.  The doctrine of marriage.  Totally, mind-bogglingly, real. Husbands and wives sharing the priesthood? Real.  So completely real.  In ways I cant enumerate. 

The struggle isn’t gone.  The gay isn’t gone.  We aren’t suddenly experiencing what a hetero marriage feels like, but we ARE experiencing what God intended for us when we knelt, nodded, and walked out of that sealing room.  And this is just the beginning. Doors opening. Minds enlightening. Calm overcoming. Truth. 

Which completely blows my mind. 

Which will make a lot of struggling believers pretty uncomfortable. 

But I can’t not shine a bright beacon of hope in the direction of truth. 

So say a prayer for us, and for those who need the tale of our experience to bring them into goodness. And also for those who may be upset by our words.  Especially those dear ones. 

We are all creatures of light. Let’s find it and shine it. 

xo

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One thought on “An update? Why?

  1. Interesting. I listened to the updates and most of them were not your experience. Most of them were about people no longer active in the LDS Church or less than happy in their mixed-orientation marriage. It would be nice to hear from someone who has a different experience; someone who is still happy together.

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