STOP it!

STOP it!
Im going on a rant here, to any who still stop by our blog.
I’m pained! I’m scared! I’m worried & sad! What I’m going to rant about is not a popular opinion. In fact, it’s an opinion that I have fought in the past. It’s an opinion that many will hate & tell me that I just don’t know what I’m talking about. So here we go. . . Marriage ONLY between a man and a woman is sanctioned by God! There, I’ve said it! I’m not claiming any sudden miracles – I’m still pretty gay (sorry babe). In the past, I have wished that it wasn’t so. That I could find my prince charming and run off into the sunset with him BUT, that is not what God planned for me or for any other gay/lesbian son or daughter out there.

So this is where today started. We have been contacted from time to time by different individuals searching for answers. Some are married, some are not. Some are out there “living the dream”. A profile image change notification came up on MH’s Facebook feed this morning of one such young mother and her family who has been touching base here and there asking questions, seeking solace for her aching heart over the news that the love of her life is gay. MH mentioned that this young husband looked dark in this new photo and I’m like “WHAT are you talking about?” So she showed me. BEAUTIFUL family! Magazine cover beautiful. Then she showed me some previous photos – and – I saw it! I’m shocked that I saw it! But there it was! The light in his eyes is dimmer now than it used to be. Tell me I’m judgmental. Tell me I have no right to say such a thing. However, I saw it. MH told me how that has been me! OUCH! Not that I’m some super spiritual giant now but we are trying to keep the spirit as close as possible these days as it’s the only way I/we can breath. So why do I care about his dimness? I really don’t know? I have never spoken to either of them. I more than likely never will (especially since I just called him out on blog post). The affect was so strange to me. I started crying. I wanted to throw up! I wanted to call him and yell “STOP IT! Pull your head out of the sand and give yourself completely over to God & your wife and stop dreaming about the cute guy at the check out counter!”

Now – backing down – A LOT – I don’t know that his hearts desire is to run off with a handsome checker. All I know is that he is struggling a bit with his testimony & with what he’s going to do with his life. I TOTALLY get it. If you’ve read our blog at all you know that I invented the wondering homo plight, however something has changed. As I have given myself more completely to God, life has become peaceful and bearable. And not just bearable but beautiful! I don’t have any magic answers for what, why & how regarding God & the gay. I have learned though, that I am his son. He loves me completely – gay & all! I have also learned that he adores the afore mentioned family as well. He knows this kid is gay. He knew that he would struggle in a marriage BUT, I also believe He raised a righteous daughter that would covenant with this kid in the temple to be his companion through EVERYTHING and eternity! (I feel like the guy who spoke at conference that kept saying EXCLAMATION POINT!) And that if he will cling to those covenants, life will be SO much better.
I saw a familiar look in his face. The one of drifting in & out of the light. I was pained because I don’t want to see him do the same idiotic things I have done & test the limits of his marriage. I’m scared because too many people are jumping out of their marriages and leaving broken families behind them. I see too many leaving the church because they can’t reconcile the gay & the doctrine. I’m worried because I FEEL the world winding down, and sad because I see lost brothers & sisters, true loved ones, everywhere. I don’t know why I’m gay, why I have known it as a truth since early childhood. I don’t know why I have also known from my youth that this is the gospel of Jesus Christ. However, I’m grateful for divine intervention. He has truly reach after me so many, many, many times. He has asked that we live a certain way, WITHIN those perimeters, he will bless & prosper us. We can’t lobby & petition the brethren to change Gods policies. I still struggle sometimes with “why?” I may always struggle. There was a time when if someone would have tried to tell me these things I would have laughed in their face. I want so desperately for this guy to get it and STOP IT! It’s between him and the Savior though.

SO – all you are who are weary & heavy laden, turn to your Savior & he will heal & lift you! PLEASE leave the world behind! It’s worth all the riches in the world to turn to God – EXCLAMATION POINT!

7 thoughts on “STOP it!

  1. I am not as spiritual as you, nor is our marriage on as good as footing as yours seems to be, but I am coming to understand more and more that marriage should be just between a man and a woman. I don’t have a problem with civil unions, and I don’t have a problem with two people of the same sex having sex as long as they are committed to each other in a civil union. I know civil unions aren’t the same as being married, but two people of the same gender living intimately together is not the same as two people of the opposite sex living together. Duh. It isn’t the same, so why try to push a square peg through a round hole.

  2. Andy – Thanks for the comment. You’ll notice that I said “Sanctioned by God”. I personally don’t have a problem with the idea of civil unions either. I know many such committed, happy, well adjusted couples who lead very satisfactory lives and honor their privilege of choice. However, IF we want to qualify for all that God has promised to give – marriage between a man & a woman, sealed in the temple is the only path. I don’t know your history, why your marriage is not on firmer ground, but I can tell you that turning yourself completely over to Heavenly Father will heal & strengthen that foundation. Ours is proof of that. I assume you were married in the temple? If so, that bond/foundation, is stronger than you realize. Trust it & let go!

    • I appreciate what you are saying. We do have a temple marriage. We were married in the East sealing room of the St. George temple where my parents were married, grandparents, great grandparents… So yes, the foundation is there. I’m just having such a hard time learning how to “trust it and let go.”

      Writing this I guess I do know. Turning back to the church terrifies me. I had such a bad visceral experience against the church when i realized I wasn’t born bad. I had always assumed I was innately flawed because of church teachings when I was a young man in the 1970.s and 80’s. That negative feeling towards the church has been so hard to overcome.

  3. I’m not going to disagree with you about what God says about gay marriage or about the path to righteousness or the validity of any of the spiritual claims you made, because those conversations are rarely productive.

    But I am going to call you out on one thing: the path of the disciple is to “mourn with those that mourn” not to mourn FOR those that mourn. As someone who knows the person of whom you speak quite well, I think many of your worries are misplaced. Perhaps the correct avenue for expressing compassion is not a public blog post with the open observation that someone has lost “light from their eyes”, but rather a private conversation in which your primary function is that of a listener.

    Let’s ponder for a moment on the purpose of coming close to God. Is righteousness the point? What is Godliness? “The end of the commandments is this: that you love your neighbor as yourself.” “Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God and he that loveth is born of God and knoweth God, and he that loveth not knoweth not God, for God is love.”

    I posit that the purpose of coming closer to God is to become more loving. I posit equally that when one becomes more loving, they become less judgmental.

    When your heart is filled with charity you do not suddenly gain the spiritual ability to judge who has light in their eyes. You gain the sensitivity to see Christ in everyone’s eyes.

    The true judge of love is not if you feel love in your heart for a person. It is if they feel loved by you.

    And so, I ask you one final question: upon reading this blogpost, do you think the man of whom you wrote will feel loved by you? Or condemned? If Christ came not to condemn the world, but to save it, and you claim to be his disciple, then what type of a job are you doing?

    Questions for your consideration.


    Josh DeFriez

  4. I’m glad you use the word “opinion.” Many, including myself, have very direct messages from God that marriage between two men or two women can indeed be blessed approved of by the Divine.

  5. We can indeed petition the Brethren to change “God’s” policies (top-down revelation does not happen in a vacuum). We can also petition the Almighty directly, receiving answers that are more pertinent to our own individual spiritual progression than the general counsel given from leaders of our church.

    I hope I don’t come off as contentious. I am thankful you are aware of and using this outlet to express your feelings and thoughts. As long as they are genuine, which I believe they are, they are beautiful and true, whether I or anyone else agrees with them or not.

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