Amazing

The word gets tossed around a lot.

Like this morning when Mikeal texted to me that I’m amazing.

Yes.  I’m totally amazing.  Amazing that I didn’t shower or get dressed.  That I laid on my bed all day watching motivational videos while the kids watched pbskids on the internet.

Amazing.

I wonder what God really thinks of me on days like this.  Is he saying, “geez, girl!  You’ve got it in you to do more than this!  Come on!  I know you can do it!”

These days are coming more frequently.  This week because there is pressure to perform- the kids are on spring break.  It’s also “that time of the month”.  I’m also on my last seven pills.  And I’m gaining weight, which is so much worse on my self esteem than I would ever care to admit.

The negative tapes running through my brain are getting louder and more incessant.  And it’s raining.

I have concrete plans in the morning tomorrow which will be good.  It will get me out of bed and showered first thing, which will boost my confidence.  Momentum on days like today is crucial.

So, why am I amazing?  Somewhere inside this shell is a divine entity. And she is amazing.  Maybe that’s what he was referring to in that text.

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