Here’s the deal.
I’m a spoiled princess.
Husband both loves and despises the spoiled princess in me and has at times tried to kill her off for good.
My favorite story is about the first snow after we were married. Let me promise you that this story is 100% true. We were living in my grandparent’s basement. They had a long driveway. So we went out to shovel it.
A brief interjection: I like that I am a spoiled princess, and want everyone to be aware of my status. However, I also reserve the right to come down off of my throne at times and mingle with the commoners. But when I do, I expect all to bow, and comment on how versatile and good I am to condescend to do such common things, when I am, after all, obviously, a princess.
So, when I went outside with Husband to shovel the walk, it was out of this attitude of condescension that I went.
We each took our shovels, and Husband eagerly attacked the snow, like any man who had grown up in northern Utah with the responsibility to keep the walks clear after a storm. Skilled. It was not until I had shoveled a couple of feet that I realized that Husband actually EXPECTED me to do this. He wasn’t at all in awe of my goodness. He was EXPECTING me to SHOVEL snow! And it would most likely not end there! He would probably expect me to do it again! And then, who knows what menial, mean chores he would throw my way? I could be MOWING THE LAWN next summer! The horror!
This had to come to an end. I did what I knew how to do.
At first Husband didn’t notice the tears and kept shoveling. But when I sniffed loudly, and he realized that I hadn’t moved from the spot I had started in, he couldn’t help but stop and ask what the matter was.
“Princesses do not shovel!” I said.
There was a very nice mug of hot cocoa waiting for him when he finished and came inside.
We have a story that we have both pledged not to share or discuss ever again. It brings up deeply harbored ill will toward one another. We have tried and tried to work through this memory, but to no avail. Husband will never enjoy buying me a single gift ever. As long as we live. And it’s completely my fault.
But involves a Justin Timberlake Doll.
The problem is that I like gifts. A lot of gifts. And because I am so spoiled, and so evil, Husband despises buying them for me. And so I despise Christmas morning. And it’s completely my fault.
I have tried, and tried, and tried, and tried again and again to get over it. But I sincerely believe that I have Spoiled Princess in my DNA and it simply cannot be altered. (I honestly try. Did you get that part?)
A couple of weeks ago, I announced to Husband that I didn’t have anything large for him for Christmas. I had a few small things, but to not expect anything amazing from me. I fill his stocking, I wrap a few gifts for him, and he is very satisfied. I truly cannot comprehend this. But he swears it is true.
He said that he had nothing for me, that I always buy myself everything I want anyway, and even if he were to get me something I liked, he wouldn’t know exactly what to buy so he just wasn’t going to bother. I always end up upset and dissatisfied, which is true. I am truly evil. I told him that I would try my best to accept this and not throw a fit on Christmas morning. Especially since my parents will be here. I meant it. I really want to accept it.
But I cannot accept it.
This morning I took matters into my own hands, and I don’t know how Husband will respond.
I made a list of several things I want. I gave him specific descriptions, websites, and addresses of the places where he can get these items. I told him to choose, but that I want it to be his choice. I want HIM to buy it, to wrap it, and to put it under the tree for me. I want to feel like I am worth the effort.
That’s really what it is all about. I want proof that I’m worth all of the pain and anguish and struggle and work to do this thing for me. Maybe he feels that he shows me that by going to work every day, by going out with me on the weekends, by letting me basically do whatever I feel like doing. He works to provide me with a really cushy awesome life. Isn’t that enough?
I want presents!