Too Legit

Now that the Lido Deck has shut down, I kind of feel like an intruder into the mohosphere.  Like Husband had the backstage pass and I was just sneaking in behind him.  Sort of a weird feeling.  I feel all sorts of out of sorts anyway so this just adds to my sense of bewilderment.  I’ve been a really crummy and unsupportive wife today.  I know that everyone has their days, that not everyone can be on their game at all times, but since I am rarely on my game, I need ALL of the other players to be up and ready to go 24/7.  He hasn’t been and I’m really not dealing with it well.  At all.

Life is a river.  It flows and flows.  It goes over rocks, it goes around trees, it carries bits and pieces with it all along its course.  This will happen regardless of how I feel about it.  I can try and stop it.  I can try and pick up every stick and leaf it carries along.  But it will keep flowing, and bringing stuff with it.  So, I can dig in my heels and kick and scream and throw things into it to try and change its course, or I can just pick up my feet, float along with it, and enjoy the view.  (I’m picturing steep cliffs on one side and a bank of autumnal trees on the other. . .)  I completely own the fact that it is me that is in the wrong, so I just need to suck it up and pick up my feet and float along rather than keep my heels dug down in the silt while my ankles shake uncontrollably from the cold water

Even with all of that imagery, I’m not convinced.  I still think I can kick and scream my way into getting what I want.

I can’t help but feel a little bit alone.  I’ve been going through my mental list of people I could call today to get a good dose of reality and a smack upside the head, but that’s really unfair to Husband, to lay out our life to a third party.  .  At least I still have you, dear blog.  You are always here.  Letting my mind meander and wander through all of its stuff and nonsense.  Even if I’m no longer legit.

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6 thoughts on “Too Legit

  1. My beautiful friend –

    You should have called me. I will always be here to lend my ear to listen and my shoulder upon which you can cry. You know I (like so many others) believe you to be marvelous and magnificent in your own right. We all have those days when nothing seems to be going right, and we need someone to turn to that will help us along the journey.

    Love you so much! Know I am here for you.
    – Joey

  2. I am always here if you need someone to talk to. I understand how it would be difficult to open up to a third party, but I already know what you’re going through as I am in a similar situation. You are definitely not alone.

  3. JonJon beat me to it. But it’s true. And I’m sorry you’ve had a rough time. I hope you’ve found someone to reach out to who is OK to talk with about whatever you need to, whether that’s your hubby or someone else.

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