Let the Wild Rumpus Begin!

Husband: “Hey, just so you know, I’m in a pretty deep Pon Farr right now.”

Insanely hot wife: “Yeah, I figured as much.  You’ve been acting that way.”

Husband: “It’s pretty bad.  Like, as in, if a guy walked in right now, I’d be gone.  Really gone.”

Brutally intelligent/ insanely hot wife: “Ooookay.  Thanks for the info.  I think I’ll go gouge out my eyes now.”

Husband: “Oh, I’m sorry, does that make you feel bad?”

Extremely talented/sensitive AND insanely hot wife: “No, not really.  I didn’t want to be married that badly anyway.  Go ahead and have your fun.”

Husband: “Hey!  Thanks!  You’re really great!  Oh, wait.  Is that a hint of sarcasm I detect in your voice?”

Supremely accomplished hot wife: “Oh my!  Did I let that slip?  Oh, I’m sorry, it’s just that I am kind of in love with you and it would really put a damper on my otherwise blissful situation if we were to split up.  And it would look bad on our genius children’s prep school applications.”

Husband: “Well, now that you mention prep school. . . ”

Did you know that mosquitoes have a rebirth after the hot sultry summers in the south, and when they come back they come back in greater numbers and with ferocious appetites for human blood?  It is kind of a drag.  I had plans for when the weather cooled down to eat dinner outside, to go on walks with the kids, to sit on the porch swing and listen to the golfers cuss at their bad form.

Did you know that sexual ambitions don’t diminish with age?  They tend to come back with a vengeance and thirst previously unknown and unless quenched, they just resurface again and again and again until. . .  I don’t know what will happen.  All I know is that I had been making plans for this whole “unforgettable fire” thing to just fade into the sunset.  It doesn’t even have to fade quickly- I’ve become quite patient in my ten years of parenthood.  I can settle for molasses slow.  But my plans are being thwarted at every turn.

It looks like I need to stop making plans and ride the wave.

Thankfully, I am having one of my two good days per month.  Otherwise this whole ‘pon farr’ thing would be pushing me right over the edge.  Ironically, I am coming out of a really bad month.  Like, if I weren’t medicated I’d be back at Unbalanced Acres bad.  But Husband and I tend to be cyclical and thankfully our cycles rarely overlap.  Even today, as I started to get bogged down in mental drudgery, Husband was on the rise from his.  We balance nicely that way.

So, he asked What to do?  I guess we just ride it out and then play up the good so we are prepped and ready for the next onslaught.  I would much rather he let it all out all over me- since I pretty much know when it’s going on anyway- than hold it in and really let it out all over someone else.  I wonder what kind of damage is being done by this though?  It can’t be good, can it?  Is it wise to tell your spouse everything?  But again, I have a fairly good sense of when it’s happening anyway- so his words merely confirm what I intuitively knew.

There really are no answers.  We must create our own.  What is right for us must be defined by us.

In the mean time, I’m going to get back to work on curing my “chronic unhappiness.”  Who knows?  Maybe if I can learn to not be addicted to emotional anguish, I may just be comfortable with his moccasins, his Italian panties, and even his new bracelet.

Who knows. . .


5 thoughts on “Let the Wild Rumpus Begin!

  1. Hmmm….what to say? “MJ, you do and I’ll cut it off?” Try that, or possibly suggest that grandpas with grandkids clamoring over him beats being a creepy old man scouting out public restrooms.

    You’re probably right. It may be best, especially for MJ’s physical safety, that you come up with your own answers. 🙂

  2. You ask whether it is good for couples to let each other know “everything”. I’m going through this debate as well. Instead of being all out and showing my gay-pon-farr moments boiling over inside me as I want to grab the nearest guy and smear him with kisses (sorry, too much information)… I just keep it inside and not let my wife know what is going on inside me… and it happens over, and over, and over again. It comes and goes, but it always comes back… but I don’t let her know. Because when I do let her know at all that I’m feeling this way, she and I end up so stressed over it that it isn’t worth it to even discuss.

    So is what you and “husband” are doing – hanging it all out in the open, with him being oblivious to what it is doing to you – is that better than what I am doing? I think so. I would like to be able to just have it all out and running all over and not worrying about being honest… but then how does that make her feel? Is it good to be completely honest? Is that a fair question, or do we hold back for good reasons? Or is there no good reason and let feelings be hurt, for the pain of hiding is much worse?

  3. I know you don’t really like to hear my advice, because I feel like I have to be honest to you. In 16 years of marriage my wife has never said anything remotely as hurtful, selfish and insensitive as “if a guy walked in right now, I’d be gone. Really gone.” and I’m just sitting here struggling to understand how his comments are anything more than passive aggressive mental cruelty. I’m also sitting here on the verge of tears when I try to put myself in your shoes. I will say this, you are having a positive effect in this world (though I am an atheist, I do believe that is one of the duties of the Latter Day Saints,) by making me (and possibly others) realize that little problems, arguments, any issues I’ve had with my wife are NOTHING compared to what you deal with emotionally on an ongoing basis.

    Sorry Beck, but you are right (well, wrong to say you might not be right, but right in the way you are treating your wife,) to keep these feelings to yourself. If my wife and I are out in public and a woman walks by, and i think she is attractive, I’m not going to say to my wife ‘I really find her sexy’ even if she looked identical to my wife. Being honest does not mean sharing every thought that crosses your mind.

    Ms. Moon, your husband needs a crash course in sensitivity.

    • Mr. Fat- While I appreciate your empathy/sympathy, I feel like I have done a grave disservice to you as a reader as well as to my Husband. The style in which I chose to write our conversation completely cut out his side of the conversation and focused solely on my own, with a little twist of humor for spice. Yes, you are correct in your assumption that I deal with emotional issues on an ongoing basis, but they of the tone or strength that you may see them. I made an attempt to shed some light on that in my following post, and I hope you can see a bit more into my mind and heart with those words.
      I really value your point of view. It is good to have someone shed some light on what I may be ignoring and work those kinks out.

  4. Oy! That is the toughest part. Elder Holland has an amazing talk on sex that makes it analogous to a sacrament between a husband and wife. “Of souls symbols and sacraments”. I have been married for almost 18 years and have 5 kids. There have been times where the stars aligned and intimacy became about a union of souls. It is a tough place to get to but I remember each time we did and treasure those memories and hold them as a reminder of what is possible. Mental illness, stress, gender issues set in and life has changed. I cherish the book “Mans search for Meaning”. That, running and therapy keep me afloat. Life is the journey and not the destination or vacation spot!

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