So much. . .

. . . to say, so little time (or drive, whatever.)

Let me just say this:

I’m not a put-upon wife.  Not any more than any other spouse in the universe is put-upon.  In fact, I think I have a pretty good handle on the demands of my marriage (or lack of demands, whatever.)

I am not (really) boyish.  Yes I have short hair.  Yes I have broad shoulders.  Yes I do look quite a bit like my brother when I have no makeup on, but in person you wouldn’t think of me as boyish.  Maybe I am quasi-queer and that’s why I married a sensitive gay guy.  Whatever.  I am what I am, he is what he is, whatever underlying mess that led us to each other is really immaterial in the scope of things.  We are here, we will continue to be here, and we hopefully will spawn greatness throughout eternity if all goes as planned.  This exterior is just so much terrestrial matter anyhow.  It’s the core spirit child that really counts, and she is perfect.

I experienced physical pain last night while watching a love scene in a movie.  More terrestrial matter getting in the way again.  Eyes on the prize.  Eyes on the prize.

Last week, #1 son, the “precious” one, stopped me as I came into his room to put him to bed.  “Mom, I wanted to tell you something,” he said.

“What is it?”  I said.

“Oh, I really like this,” waving his hand at my outfit.

“What do you like?”  I asked.

“Your outfit.”

“Oh!”  I said, “which part?  My sparkly sandals?”

“No, just the whole thing.  I really like it.”

Again, this is a 5 year old boy.

And then, he asks for a “barn” cake for his birthday.  It was a John Deere birthday party and we gave out tractors as the favors.  His life revolves around fire trucks, race cars, airplanes, star wars and playing in the dirt.

I don’t get it.

5 thoughts on “So much. . .

  1. Who referred to you as “boyish?”

    Good grief!

    From the moment I met you in person, I never thought of you in any way “boyish.” You are a beautiful young woman…Gorgeous. Vibrant. Smile that lights up a room. Wicked sense of humor. Caring mother and wife. Oh, an incredible cook!

    Definitely NOT “boyish!”

    Also, love your kids. They are fantastic!

  2. it’s hard to get past that rack of yours to even consider boyish (did i just post about yer boobs?)! i wasn’t turned by your so called boyishness. i was turned by your legs in that short flouncy skirt! you were AND are, anything but boyish. i love you my princess – duke

  3. It’s clear that others don’t think “boyish”. Hey, all I had to go on was one picture that doesn’t reveal your “rack”! So I’ll rescind that comment. The point that I sought to make, though, is that sometimes it helps physical desire (the experience) to reframe our desires (the attractions). I just thought that the gay boy fantasy could be fun and productive for you two.

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