I know this is supposed to be about “all things gay” but this blog has also become my dumping ground for “all things ugly.”
It was a *&%^ty day.
I kind of want to go down my laundry list of “poor me’s” and cry about it, but that really won’t help.
I don’t want to be that person so much anymore.
A strange thing happened tonight though, an old friend called. (this can be my token “gay” thing- a year ago she left her husband and “allegedly” was seeing another woman. She and her husband reconciled a few months later, and all is well. Apparently she found Jesus. It happens a lot in TN. Not to make light of her situation, but that’s about as detailed as I can get within a set of parentheses.) She was just digging for some neighborhood dirt, but the fact that she called me was startling. When we met, we became quite close rather quickly, but quite close turned into too close and I had to ask for some breathing room. (in light of the later development, I had to wonder what exactly she was getting from our relationship, but that is for another discussion.) We barely spoke after that. It was sad for me, but I’m not good at friendships to begin with, and I simply couldn’t navigate my life with her smothering me like that.
Anyway- she called and it took no time at all for me to start to fall back into old patterns of unloading my life on her. I had to yank back the reins, put on the happy face and chit chat for a few minutes.
We agreed that it had been far too long, and that we really ought to get together someday if time permitted. I don’t know if I should. I am a loose cannon, and could very likely unload three years of muck all over her before we said hello.
I’m so bad at friendships.
My BF from preschool has been having marital struggles for quite some time. She went home to her parents over Christmas, but then they decided to work it out. I spoke with her two weeks ago and she was positive. Tonight she updated her FB status to Single. I’m a bit miffed that that is how I would find out. But that is all she can do right now I suppose.
So this is what my life has been reduced to: FB status, text messages, and unloading my heart onto a blog.
Kid #3 is crying now. I’d better pry myself off of my fake life and do something about the real one.