-Read this on a listserv today for MOM’s. (mixed orientation marriages)
“This DENIAL OF MY TRUE SELF is so much narcissistic BS. The TRUE SELF
does not live in a vacuum where it does not effect other people. The TRUE or AUTHENTIC SELF exists only in relationship to other.”
And this one:
“As far as what you can expect from the gay spouse intimacy-wise, that has to be determined by the gay spouse. 😉 I kiss my husband, hold his hand, tell him I love him, have sex with him. I don’t write him love letters, dedicate love songs to him, or tell him how much he turns me on. And I don’t tell him I love him as often as he tells me, as I only say it when I mean it. And yes, it is not a romantic love I express, but a very deep companionship love. Like someone mentioned, many marriages who come through this process have deeper relationships than most heterosexual marriages, just because of the honesty and respect required. I look around and **** and I have a better marriage (and even a better sex life!) than almost all other marriages I know.”
Marriage is so much more than sex. Marriage is so much more than “being in love.” Marriage is a wonderful, deep sense of companionship and belonging, of give-and-take, of watching and aiding your partner in evolving and becoming a new and better person throughout your time together.
I have received several responses to my blog lately that have caused me to reflect on what exactly I have done by writing these past several months. I think that I have done a great disservice to my marriage by writing only the bad things. Yes, at first, I couldn’t see much good in our relationship. But there was good. And now, there is even more good.
Much, much more.
I am convinced that a MOM isn’t all that uncommon. Even if it is, it isn’t exceptional in any way. Every marriage, every relationship is fraught with underlying issues. A MOM is almost nice because there is a fancy sparkly little label to put on it. I KNOW what issues my marriage will face. Really, most marriages face the same: Sexual incompatibilities, unmet emotional needs, financial distress, differing spiritual desires, it is all quite simple really. The way we each go about remedy-ing these issues will differ under each circumstance, but really, it all comes down to loving God above all else, and letting Him fill your heart. Gain your conficence through Him, and everything else will fall into place.
I have so many thoughts:
Attachment: letting go of everything that keeps us from loving the Lord and living fully
Kids: two-parent households
“everyone else” syndrome
Genital Herpes: my Public Service Announcement
Fashion: what to wear to the Stake prom that Husband and I are putting on in April? AND how am I going to let Daughter wear that awful dress she picked out? Is there any hope for her?
Blogging and Facebook: What is this world doing to my already stunted ability to form meaningful relationships?
You know, all sorts of important things running through my mind.
Just know this: I am married to a wonderful man. We have an incredible relationship. Our marriage is *dare I say it?* solid. I love this life I have with him.
Stick around- there’s lots more fun to be had!