That thing. . .

I’ve got stuff to say.

But I can’t say it.

When I started blogging, I had no idea who would be reading it.  I was free to write whatever popped into my head.  Mean, unflattering, profane, graphic, whatever I thought, I could say it.

As weeks and posts progressed, I started developing relationships with the people who read my blog, and began to read their blogs.

This presents a problem.

I can’t write my most intimate ugly thoughts when the people who read them may be coming to my house for dinner, chatting with me on facebook, or hanging out with my parents.  Even if we never, ever meet, the developing relationship prohibits me from airing out of sheer propriety.  Especially to those of you who aren’t even legal!

So here we are.

Some of you have read from the beginning and know it all.  I still have a hard time baring it all to you, because that was in the “past.”  Like reading a novel. Some of you have just jumped in at various stages of this journey, and have only seen the hearts and flowers.  Reading what I want to write at this moment may send you to your Bishop. (which, by the way, reminds me of something that happened at spin class last week. . . Which I also cannot post because I’m being all proper and stuff.)

I can’t talk to Husband- he’s been down this road with me so many times, and there have been no solutions in all of our other 8,000 conversations, so what makes me think that a solution will magically appear THIS time?  Besides, it hurts him.  We don’t need any more of that.

You know, I’ve already got a watered-down version of my life on my “other” blog.  If this becomes any more like that one, ONE of them will become obsolete.  On second thought, I don’t have the liberty to discuss “the gay” on my “other” blog, so this blog will always have a purpose.

Evolution.  I don’t like it.

I’m just disappointed, that’s all.

(and quite a bit “FRUSTRATED”)

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3 thoughts on “That thing. . .

  1. I’m sorry your blog is losing its original purpose. I always tell myself that when I can no longer write what I truly feel and think on my blog, then I’ll shut it down. I can totally understand that feeling of wanting to “tone it down” or spare readers from the “ugly”. I hope you find a compromise/solution.

  2. I say do it anyway…post your thoughts and just BE! I love how authentic your posts are and it absolutely and truly makes the rest of us in mixed-orientation marriages feel a little more “normal” and a little less freakish. This is one place on the planet where I can go and feel like someone actually “gets it” – that isn’t going to happen in any other place, y’know? I am working my way down that lovely path of being authentic in all situations and while it definitely was NOT my path of choice, it is a path that is proving to be exactly what I needed. Go figure – all I needed during my single “angst” years was a gay husband to make me into the amazing woman that God intended me to be! Haha!!!! Love your blog, love YOU! Keep at it! 🙂

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