This is me and my Grandma.

She is dying right now.  As I write this.

Many grandkids think they are the favorite.  I know I am.  Everybody knows I am.

I will be speaking at her funeral in the coming weeks which means I have to write something to say.  How on earth does one do that?

Swarovski crystal.  Gucci handbags.  Wigs.  Opera.  Her glossy black baby grand in the giant mauve living room she had added on to the front of her house.  Lying under the piano while she played.  She could play for hours without tiring.  Never needed music, but knew every important song.

She could sew.  She once sewed us matching nightgowns.  They were pink with heavy cream lace around the neck and arms, and she embroidered a big fancy floral design on the front.  We wore them when I came to spend the night.  She would draw me a bath and bring me cream soda while I soaked.

I would sit at her Mother’s vanity and she would dress me in her drawers full of jewelry.  She would put makeup on me.  Merle Norman, Estee Lauder.

Once she took me to the Capitol Theater when she was singing with the Utah Opera.  We walked onto the stage in the darkened theater.  She got in trouble with security, but she couldn’t have cared less.  She was showing her favorite granddaughter something she was passionate about.

She got into serious credit card debt and had to file for bankruptcy because she refused to accept that she couldn’t buy things.  Buying things became her passion when everything began to fall away with age.  She fancied herself to be Grizabella the glamour cat.  Old Deuteronomy is on his way to take her to the Heavy Side Layer.

I began to mourn her years ago, but there’s always that last layer that doesn’t peel off until death is a reality.  I am glad she is dying.  Grampa died four years ago on Christmas Day, and will be anxiously awaiting her.  She will be with her beloved Mother again.  She goes to that fabled peaceful spot where her knees will work again, and her scarred hand won’t impede her reaching those octaves.  One day I’ll get to meet her and see her the way she always wanted to be seen.  Beautiful.

How does one write?


4 thoughts on “sigh

  1. Your grandma is a very beautiful lady. Sounds as though she made you feel very special. Grandmas are incredibly talented in that respect.

    I know the pain and relief you are going through. My grandmother passed away in April 2005. She had been quite ill for some time, and I felt this overwhelming sense of comfort in knowing she was no longer suffering.

    Her funeral was extremely difficult for me. It was the last time I have physically cried. At her funeral I had to sneak off into a private family room, then my knees gave way and I fell to the floor and cried like I never had before.

    Not a day goes by that I don’t think of her. She was the woman who practically raised me after my parents divorced (at age 5). She was my best friend. When I think of her I go directly to all the times she made me laugh or the lessons of love she taught me. The greatest lesson she ever taught me was unconditional love. I didn’t quite understand it until I was older and could appreciate the heartache and struggle she was put through by some of those she loved. Her love never wavered.

    You were certainly blessed to have such an awe-inspiring grandma for so many years. She may be gone, but she will live on in the memories that you and your family members possess. Share those stories with your children, and let them know about the woman who went out of her way to make you feel so special and loved.

    Personally, I think some of the memories you wrote about here are a wonderful place to start in your writings. I believe in celebrating the lives of those we love. She may be gone, but her legacy remains strong in you.

    Keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers.
    – Joey

  2. Seems you just did, write. And, everything you shared here is a precious memory you have of your grandmother. Why not share these things about her with others?

    I know when I go to funerals, I love hearing the personal things, the stories and feelings about those whom are loved, tha move to the next realm of life.

    And, I am sorry that you have to lose her- she sounds like a remarkable woman and it sounds like the two of you are and have been very close. I know you will miss her.

    I am saddened for your impending loss. I mean that in the nicest of possible ways…I cannot bear the thoughts of losing those closest to me, so I do feel your pain.

    With love.

  3. Yes…seems like you could just read what you wrote here. It seems perfectly appropriate to me.

    I understand being the favorite. And I understand being excited for them to move to the next chapter in their life. But it still isn’t easy, is it?

  4. Oh, I am so sad for you….:-( It is never fun to see someone you love leave even if when you know it is not the end, only a new begining for them. What wonderful fun memories you have of her! I think memories are the best things ever! Items and things can be lost or destroyed, but memories stay with us forever. I loved the pictures of her you have posted, she seems like such a classy wonderful lady, who loved her grandkids, especially YOU, very much.

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