What about MY need for male bonding?

We talk so much of finding balance- gay husbands of straight wives finding a way to fill their inner homo without wrecking the marriage.

But what about me?

What about my need to fill my inner sex kitten?

Yes- I get sex.  Yes- it is with a man which incidentally is my gender of choice.  Yes.  Yes. Yes.

But am I WANTED?  NEEDED?  DESIRED?

I’ll just leave it at that.

(okay, okay, just like the rest of you, this is a feeling that comes and goes.  Last week it came on hard, and it took me several days to balance it back out.  It did balance out and now I’m back to being satisfied that Husband does see and appreciate my hotness.  I didn’t go out looking and I didn’t make any phone calls to ex boyfriends.  No harm done.)

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6 thoughts on “What about MY need for male bonding?

  1. I worry about this with Sarah.

    … Not that she’ll run off and find a guy to fulfill an unmet need with–I trust her absolutely.

    I just worry that the unmet need is there. Every wife-of-a-gay-man blog I’ve read talks about it. She insists that she’s totally content in our relationship, and that she never wants more. I’m not sure if she’s just different than every other wife or if she’s being dishonest (perhaps even with herself).

    That’s all. I don’t really have anything to add. 🙂

  2. You constantly amaze me! You write what I am often thinking. Seriously my inner sex kitten needs some attention! I too get sex but I know it can be so different with someone who is ATTRACTED to you and isnt just trying to make you happy.

    Yes the feelings come and go but when they come they hit hard and leave a hollow place in my self esteem.

    Much love to you my friend as we continue on this journey….

  3. We must be on the same “schedule”! I was just talking about this very topic with my husband. You’re right…WHAT ABOUT OUR NEEDS FOR MALE BONDING??? I tried to explain what it’s like to want so badly to be physically/sexually attractive to the one person in my life who is supposed to feel that way about me, but doesn’t. He really doesn’t understand. He is attractive in every way to me, but the feelings are not reciprocated. It downright SUCKS sometimes. But, like you, the feeling of despair goes away in a couple of days and I am still intact. Sometimes I’m not sure if my self-esteem is, but I am working really hard on that issue. I was joking about things this afternoon telling my hubby how it doesn’t matter if I work out every day and get a six pack. Still not gonna be attracted to me. Doesn’t matter if I shower, shave, perfume myself and put on some sexy lingerie. Still not gonna be attracted to me. Doesn’t matter if I smell like a hairy, truck driver. Still not gonna be attracted to me. Nothing I do will every make me sexually attractive to my husband. Sometimes I can handle that and sometimes I can’t.

    • It is the difficult situation that we all find ourselves in- choosing between accepting that which we would never imagine having to accept, or leaving. I think many many marriages go through this process- not just the Mixed-Orientation sort.

  4. I think it is the hardest part of being married to a gay man. The questioning “does he really desire me, or is he just being kind…” I didn’t know before we got married that he was gay, and I had not be physically involved with anyone before we got married, so to me our sex life seemed normal. Once I knew he was gay all the questions began, and it also change for him because he was admitting who he was. I look back now to the early days of our marriage and wonder why could it have not stayed that way. He seemed to enjoy me, he didn’t think he needed anything else, why did it have to change?

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