I was half dreading/ half excited for my second meeting with the great Craig (therapist) today. Husband had two fantastic visits with him, and I was anticipating some clarity on this whole “how do we go on knowing what we now know?” conundrum.
What a disappointment. He began by telling me that Husband really loves me and wants to make the marriage work, but that he has a lot of emotional dependencies that he has to work through. Yeah, but hello- so do I, so let’s talk about me! My main goal in attending therapy is so I can get my mind straightened out, so I can love Husband more, and so I can weather the storms better. I want to talk about me!
So, we talked about me. We “put mom/dad/Husband/self in the chair” and worked on getting free of them. Cool stuff- stuff that I will be working on into the milennium. (I sure hope my insurance holds out til then.)
I asked him if he knew of any marriages that worked without intimacy. WELLLLLL….
“Yes, but I don’t think they are as happy as they could be.” That was his answer. He then told me about this couple who, after 18 years decided to break up the marriage so husband could pursue the same sex partner he dreamed of. Wife was understandably upset, went out and slept with five guys, repented, and is now blissfully married to a rich Stake President in Southern Utah.
“Well, I can name 100 guys who would love to have someone like you.”
“You need to decide if you want to remain in a marriage with a man who is a shitty box carrier (emotional metaphor) and who won’t fill your red (sexual/temporal/physical) side, or leave and find someone who can.”
Are you seriously asking me this? Because if you are, you really haven’t done much in the way of listening. I’m staying with Husband.
“Buckle your seatbelt.”
Well, duh! Do you think I’m paying you $150 an hour for you to help me leave him? That I’m not painfully aware of just how difficult it is to be married to a gay man? Especially an extremely attractive gay man who has a lot of alone time in foreign lands on all expense paid business trips?