So, what constitutes too much information?

I like to know absolutely everything.  I’ve decided the reason is because I am insecure.  I have a hard time making decisions, but if I have all of the information I can possibly gather, I am most likely to make the best decision.

Everything has to be the best, or it completely sucks.  For me anyway.  Other people can do less than perfect things and I’m fine with that.  But I cannot. Which is why I live in a constant state of panic.  Nothing I do is perfect, so I’m a mess.

So with husband coming “clean” to me about every one of his indiscretions over the past few years, I have had a lot of questions.  There are some that even I haven’t been able to bring myself to ask.  But there are a LOT that I have asked, and gotten answers to.  Husband used to cut me off at a much higher threshold of information.  Not so much now.

I like to know everything I can because then, hopefully, I will have experienced the absolute worst I can experience and it can only go up from there.  Right?  Wrong.  It is a sink hole that feeds upon itself, and I can’t stop it.  I persist on asking and asking and asking.  Which inevitably leads to that one thing which tips the scale and I sink into oblivion.  After a few hours, maybe some sleep, and more reassurance from poor husband, I’m okay again and ready to take on this marriage.  I’m definitely a little bit more worn down, but that will be replenished right?

Not lately.

I’m sinking and sinking, and yet I still keep asking and asking; hoping to hit the bottom.  Please, is there no bottom?


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