Paranoia

It’s been almost 24 hours since the last rant, but I’ve been all over the map in those hours.

I scoured the web for any support for our cause, only to come up with a couple of very weak nudges.  Went to bed pretty discouraged.

He swears up and down that he is staying.  Will I ever believe that?  Ask me in 40 years, right?

One thing I did learn in my scouring is that the force against me is much bigger than I previously understood.  I say me because it’s me against them.  All of them.  They want him badly.  What do I have to offer?

What am I willing to concede?  I thought I had drawn a pretty definite line, until he crossed it.  The line moved with him.

My view of him is changing with each passing moment.  Is he like “them”?

Apparently he is.

But he also very much isn’t.

I had a few good moments today.  I actually felt like we might be okay.  Fleeting, but there.  Gotta hold on to the positive.

I relented and called an old friend.  I have hesitated to lean on anyone, but this didn’t feel like leaning.  It felt like friendship.  Haven’t been there in a while.

5 1/2 more sleeps.

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